Tuesday, February 22, 2011

am i am

i am far too far away from you

and you are closer than you know
than any other would care to come
to feel what is inside me
what calls me to be complete
without constraint of thought or fear

i am too far away from it
and yet it closes in
ever nearer to my head
to the holes in my heart
and my thoughts drifting
always back to it
the way of the world before tomorrow

i am too far gone from then
and still its hold upon me lingers
cloying as the muck of the swamp
to my clothes and skin and thoughts
avoidance is no option
and running in the sand a sham
an excuse to keep on breathing

i am so much closer now
to something I can believe is real
which is pulling me to its warmth
as if now were someone who could care
who would see me as I always have
in my head
in my dreams
in my fantasies of what might have been
had I lived a "normal" life

i am so much closer now
i hope i don't fall down too hard
i know how to rise
i don't know that i'll want to after this

or maybe I do
just maybe I still do

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