Tuesday, July 8, 2014

ever gonna make it

all I am is human 

even that seems way too much to bear 
all I am is breathing 
even though it's hard to keep at it 
all I want is something 
even though I can decide on what that may be 
all I want is nothing 
even as I keep on drawing one breath then the next 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

g time

Instant fix
and goddam what took so fucking long?

Simple twist
but there's so much fucking more involved!

Open line
but you only want to hear me say what you want me to say

Just no time
and all I do is sit around wishing I was altogether different

Found some time
but if I don't take a nap I know I won't stay up for anything

One more time
just one more god damned fucking time and I'm just gonna fuck it up again so why the fuck am I wasting so much fucking time

i can't do it
I can d


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

it's shit and easy

it's shit easy
and easy as shit to get
the fuck out of
another's way

and I'm only taking
time to breathe
uneasy
looks like everything else

perspectives give divisions
and I am so divided
from the smiles and stories
I observe


And yes it does happen.

Friday, August 16, 2013

anti-inertial

am I not so
as is
as I want
alone
time and something other
once
I held an image in my soul
I was an image of my soul
living and being
roiling full inside
other features seen
heard and felt
passed by and through

in thoughtless absorption
every tiniest spec of nothing
a splash in a void
and seeing nothing 
is ever what I get
time to get what is seen
everything
and all that follows
every grief
ever formed
and joy prevalent
in time
so much more time
as I will give
for all
I can now ask


Tuesday, July 23, 2013


  • What's on your mind?

    Oldie but ... well this is new

    wonder of the world
    I'm fucked alive
    amber soaked I feel it
    holding me where I've been
    forever and ever
    life with an end
    just no shot
    at even one more
    fucked
    beginning
    I guess I have
    just to pay it forward
    hoping for a refund
    rejected for the hope
    and lost again
    in love and fear
    a new well of hells
    with smiles and sadness
    apropos of one time
    the first last and only
    eternity without a mullligan
    or any chance of heaven
    without hell all up inside it
    savory sensual swellings
    wonder of the world
    fucked and once forever
    and ever
    no more
    It'll have to do
    Like ·  · Unfollow Post ·  · Promote

Monday, June 10, 2013

thisness mine

Essentially
whatever I'm saying
when I try to relate to you
unless a joke it's simple

it's seriously funny
that you look at me
at least you smile
and I see another thread to share

Just as I see it there
and I know you are aware
and I am so alone
words each leading off
other simplicities spun off 

all I want is a path
sensibility and music
a relay to the world larger 
of the way it is to me

I can take the looks
I just wish that I understood
or didn't as it hurts 
the reasons for suffering 

I think the same way
with the same chemicals
a stem no different from the forest
all the wood alive
except for me unrooted 


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

shadows' stains


needles 
impetuous fucking pricks 
sanitizing steel before the piercing 

why bother 

it's endless
at least as long as that 
but less invigorating

like a toothache 
the nerve laid bare and stabbing 
only torture gives me hope 

whatever 

frankly I'm not into it
this oblique existentialism 
the rapture never thrilled me 

so why go on 

incidental to my whiny visions 
lapping waves keep calling from beyond the woods 
the shore 
its magnificence my one time friend
preaches patience from the distance 
entrancing 
even beyond reality's bounds the birds sing it to me 
enticing me to throw it all away 

the grief
and boredom
the pride 
and loathing of self 
historical accuracy erases opportunity 
all sent packing while the bliss of  self pity envelopes 
entrances and erodes my inner peace 
that which I run from to find 

I need to stop wondering how I ever got here 
and quite believing I'll ever leave 
as if it matters once you know it all 
and all of it is shit 
anyway, ain't it? 
the poseur's ennui
the fake fanaticism
luxury in scarcity and fear of going on 

like a heartache 
the third time gone again 
but there's no strike outs 

not in love 

I wonder why I always hit 'em 
over the fence on the first try 
unless I miss entirely 

still a loser 

everyone's a loser though 
I'm pretty sure I'll get over it again 
it's not like it's anything real this time 

just shadow's stains 

Friday, September 16, 2011

senescence

somethings missing
some things
I'm missing them
I'm not alone
nor just along for the ride

several symptoms occur
normally involved
in randomness
laxadaisical
heh

aimless, not
unfortunate except
for granted thoughts
elusive waves are feeling me
feelings

upwards again
and in again
and not enough for it to spend
upon its reason
it won't last

but for now
I wander wondering
stop that 'cause of course
I know
I almost always know

sloppy, I leave it the way it comes
too much goes
when somethings missing
some things I need more of
but can only make myself
with help

again


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A Snowball's Chance

As were a pebble or a ball of ice

suspended on the precipice
the drop below would not suffice
to sway into or closer less
the wind would have Its way

As diving for its prey the raptor
so did our friend go forth
and though the wind, a careless captor,
thought nothing of his poor life's worth
fate and luck held sway

So early on the path was figured
and soon the slope did fall
and though it seemed at times configured
to hold him in its palm
the mountain had its say

Down yonder go thee! To the floor!
Down go thee all the way!
I shall hold back your fall no more
lest thou be content to stay
at rest upon my bosom.

So growing with the mountain's coat
of snow and leafy spoils
oft by hard rock was it smote
and slipped past as slicked by oils
of some savagery of nature

With each hard fall and sudden slam
his size did bulge and swelling
from pebble to a well fed ham
with gravity compelling
ever faster towards the bottom

Would think, perhaps, there would be times
when the path would clear for miles
yet though it seemed straight as these rhymes
did he crookedly down defiles
The trickster gods' own slalom

This is where I am now
This is where the story pauses
Halfway down the mountain, How?
With forced and sundry clauses.
My life begins to be mine.




Tuesday, February 22, 2011

am i am

i am far too far away from you

and you are closer than you know
than any other would care to come
to feel what is inside me
what calls me to be complete
without constraint of thought or fear

i am too far away from it
and yet it closes in
ever nearer to my head
to the holes in my heart
and my thoughts drifting
always back to it
the way of the world before tomorrow

i am too far gone from then
and still its hold upon me lingers
cloying as the muck of the swamp
to my clothes and skin and thoughts
avoidance is no option
and running in the sand a sham
an excuse to keep on breathing

i am so much closer now
to something I can believe is real
which is pulling me to its warmth
as if now were someone who could care
who would see me as I always have
in my head
in my dreams
in my fantasies of what might have been
had I lived a "normal" life

i am so much closer now
i hope i don't fall down too hard
i know how to rise
i don't know that i'll want to after this

or maybe I do
just maybe I still do