Wednesday, March 28, 2012

shadows' stains

impetuous fucking pricks 
sanitizing steel before the piercing 

why bother 

it's endless
at least as long as that 
but less invigorating

like a toothache 
the nerve laid bare and stabbing 
only torture gives me hope 


frankly I'm not into it
this oblique existentialism 
the rapture never thrilled me 

so why go on 

incidental to my whiny visions 
lapping waves keep calling from beyond the woods 
the shore 
its magnificence my one time friend
preaches patience from the distance 
even beyond reality's bounds the birds sing it to me 
enticing me to throw it all away 

the grief
and boredom
the pride 
and loathing of self 
historical accuracy erases opportunity 
all sent packing while the bliss of  self pity envelopes 
entrances and erodes my inner peace 
that which I run from to find 

I need to stop wondering how I ever got here 
and quite believing I'll ever leave 
as if it matters once you know it all 
and all of it is shit 
anyway, ain't it? 
the poseur's ennui
the fake fanaticism
luxury in scarcity and fear of going on 

like a heartache 
the third time gone again 
but there's no strike outs 

not in love 

I wonder why I always hit 'em 
over the fence on the first try 
unless I miss entirely 

still a loser 

everyone's a loser though 
I'm pretty sure I'll get over it again 
it's not like it's anything real this time 

just shadow's stains