Friday, September 16, 2011


somethings missing
some things
I'm missing them
I'm not alone
nor just along for the ride

several symptoms occur
normally involved
in randomness

aimless, not
unfortunate except
for granted thoughts
elusive waves are feeling me

upwards again
and in again
and not enough for it to spend
upon its reason
it won't last

but for now
I wander wondering
stop that 'cause of course
I know
I almost always know

sloppy, I leave it the way it comes
too much goes
when somethings missing
some things I need more of
but can only make myself
with help


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A Snowball's Chance

As were a pebble or a ball of ice

suspended on the precipice
the drop below would not suffice
to sway into or closer less
the wind would have Its way

As diving for its prey the raptor
so did our friend go forth
and though the wind, a careless captor,
thought nothing of his poor life's worth
fate and luck held sway

So early on the path was figured
and soon the slope did fall
and though it seemed at times configured
to hold him in its palm
the mountain had its say

Down yonder go thee! To the floor!
Down go thee all the way!
I shall hold back your fall no more
lest thou be content to stay
at rest upon my bosom.

So growing with the mountain's coat
of snow and leafy spoils
oft by hard rock was it smote
and slipped past as slicked by oils
of some savagery of nature

With each hard fall and sudden slam
his size did bulge and swelling
from pebble to a well fed ham
with gravity compelling
ever faster towards the bottom

Would think, perhaps, there would be times
when the path would clear for miles
yet though it seemed straight as these rhymes
did he crookedly down defiles
The trickster gods' own slalom

This is where I am now
This is where the story pauses
Halfway down the mountain, How?
With forced and sundry clauses.
My life begins to be mine.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

am i am

i am far too far away from you

and you are closer than you know
than any other would care to come
to feel what is inside me
what calls me to be complete
without constraint of thought or fear

i am too far away from it
and yet it closes in
ever nearer to my head
to the holes in my heart
and my thoughts drifting
always back to it
the way of the world before tomorrow

i am too far gone from then
and still its hold upon me lingers
cloying as the muck of the swamp
to my clothes and skin and thoughts
avoidance is no option
and running in the sand a sham
an excuse to keep on breathing

i am so much closer now
to something I can believe is real
which is pulling me to its warmth
as if now were someone who could care
who would see me as I always have
in my head
in my dreams
in my fantasies of what might have been
had I lived a "normal" life

i am so much closer now
i hope i don't fall down too hard
i know how to rise
i don't know that i'll want to after this

or maybe I do
just maybe I still do

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

dawning brighter

I'm thinking on things I need to mend

old wounds I've kept open

developed skills which fail me now

passionate pleas which must always fall upon deaf ears

because they aren't aimed correctly

even though my accuracy is impeccable

I'm facing up to failures denied

belittled and bemused by my own apathy

have I fallen into disrepair and anguish

painful to behold and yet held up as mettle

it is emptiness embodied

it is loneliness entombed in light

the light which only shines forth dimly

I'm canceling my tickets to the ball

to the far flung reaches of imagination

where I've always known I'll never go

but, dreaming of it, have ignored the here and now

and passed on far too many small wonders

given up this chance or that

for some delusion held so dear

it drains my life of spirit

I'm putting out the weary fire

the flickering candle of despair

which has lit my way through life

for all these many years

though often I have dimmed its light

and hid the flame behind my back

as, knowing deep inside, I questioned its source

and begged myself to heed the truth

before the shadows swallowed me


I am still

and forming

daily into more

of what I'm meant for

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


today is rough
I feel the panic seeping in
not like before
with the ways and means
I used to hide behind
underneath the netting
like covers pulled over a child's head
to keep away the bogeymen
from whom I run

today is slow
I wonder why it comes again
so like before
its creeping tendrils
telling me it's coming
I can't hide
don't bother, but I do
knowing nothing but the want
afraid that I won't run

today is long
it wanders like the crooked river
meanders to an end
nature's grades guiding to falls
just as she does for me
in infinite fractal branching
forging futures
fatalistic and magnanimous
where I might run

today is good
oh, I know it doesn't feel that way
not in these still desperate moments
not with the panic seeping
slowly out and away like the tides
away from the beach of solace
leaving behind the stench
of that from which, of course,
I cannot run

today I breathe
know that which I must clear away
with my own two hands
my back breaking
my head filling up
with aromas so inspiring
so despised by now
and desperate to be without them
do I run

today I would close down
except that I cry out
electronic silence the deepest sighs
soul all akimbo
liminal in some enchanted way
amassed of fortunes
under appreciated until recently
as panic began to wane
I glimpsed the place to run

today is good
tomorrow will be as well
and I will run no more
today is good