I wasn't Gonna Say It This Way

It's always mine to say
the way it comes out

As I lean around the scene
obfuscating whatever my intent
angling for the positive reactions

Always even if I want it
I like it less each time
forward my emotions
creeping from the speed of light

Not never but nearly so it seems
retrospection hasn't healed me yet
sanctity hasn't revealed itself yet
wisdom may or more like not
feed me like the queen's benevolence

Each bite I take and
every nerve I pinch
every effort taken before
only doubts returning
like the rains in Spring
and the leaves that must fall

Insincere but true to reality
consequences be damned exclusively
fortunes told in opportunities 
those moments which arise
elemental and incremental
the stages of a life unfold
giving birth to love or not

I wasn't Gonna Say It This Way