It Isn't As Though I wasn't...

I maybe never was to be
was something else
not me
and the last sun set
on me

It isn't it isn't it just fucking isn't
in me to be so bad as I can think
I can die a few billionths at a time
I have already lived forever
in the tides and centrifugal forces
of Love
Pain and
hatreds in a life

Little bits of fluff
and gynen woden fend

It is only that I
One who falls slowly and quick
Some of the energy escapes
inclusive of What Matters
perhaps the future
holds and locks
keys and chains

Little bits of fluff
and gynen woden fend
It isn't as if
it were not many things
equal to the One

Empathy for the Weak
and only If
and only When
lest mordant be our end

 If I was gonna write a hero I'd make sure he looked like me, but with a jaw/chin of something stronger than plaster cast.  I'd ...

Yeah. Forget that. 

All he got is his magnifier and a jack knife. All she's holding is barely holding on. Her skin shines like his eyes and they know it's Over. The last act so and then some. 

Fortunes told his mom she'd lose him.  They didn't specify that she'd do it on purpose. "For his own good." and that where she went... there really isn't anywhere. Just no more here. 

So when he found himself in a sudden move to Hand's apartments, with no idea other than a remote memory of being lifted over a strange face to recall Hand, it seemed like life had turned to still sad but now more informative state of being.  For a 3 year old brain, that was better even than the scrawny, too quick to empty, tit that made his existence possible. "Hand fed him well. That mattered more than even an advanced 9 year old brain could put its finger on. "  Sometimes - usually you just had to feel it through and know you were building instincts that would feed your life to come. 

Anyhow he wasn't a kid any more. 9 years old meant wet dreams still loomed, but also that bones didn't break like they used to. His had all healed and his body's ability to dish out the violence he had already developed a mean knack of taking was no small cause of pride.  Something Seth didn't think he'd earned much of but wasn't gonna kick himself too hard for lacking. 

Listen I don't wanna go too far into this but he's just about ready to lose his V to Ms MacGillicuty AND get a good start on his Liberal studies with her sincere and broadminded tutelage.  

Wake Forest in his future. 

done part one 

I wasn't Gonna Say It This Way

It's always mine to say
the way it comes out

As I lean around the scene
obfuscating whatever my intent
angling for the positive reactions

Always even if I want it
I like it less each time
forward my emotions
creeping from the speed of light

Not never but nearly so it seems
retrospection hasn't healed me yet
sanctity hasn't revealed itself yet
wisdom may or more like not
feed me like the queen's benevolence

Each bite I take and
every nerve I pinch
every effort taken before
only doubts returning
like the rains in Spring
and the leaves that must fall

Insincere but true to reality
consequences be damned exclusively
fortunes told in opportunities 
those moments which arise
elemental and incremental
the stages of a life unfold
giving birth to love or not

I wasn't Gonna Say It This Way

Only Some Thing

So am I thinking 
and so getting nowhere 
I live in a past 
that I forget 
how important it is to forget 
over and over and again 
but it still happens 
only the one time 
only when I was young 
only with a child's mind 
only as a child 

So go the seconds 
without being paid heed 
they pile up high 
too high to climb 
but really they are for the gleaning 
over and over and again 
they havey all happened 
only the one time 
only when I was young 
only with a child's mind 
only as a child 

So flows my waking 
in circles still wider 
purple like bruises 
always I have earned 
or at least haven't fought to avoid 
over and over and again 
not just the one time 
not just when I was young 
only with a child's mind 
not just as a child 

So comes the future 
filled with the memory 
always the same thing 
as it happened that day 
pulling me back to that happening  
over and over and again 
only that one time 
just as when I was young 
just as with a child's mind 
only as a child 

This is personal. 
This happened to me. 
This happens to me each day. 
This is only some thing. 
Only what I need to overcome 
to be alive for a few more years. 
Biology. What the fuck...  

Steps

It's just a small hole
a leak in the fabric of a night
 one word  of a kind
 one thought  dark mind

But it didn't need
 turn out that bad
So I simply hold on
Step back from time

It's only a short time
a peek into some younger mind
 one image  of a kind
 one thought  base mind

But it didn't need
 turn out that bad
So I simply hold on
Step back from time

Was just a brief glimpse
a leak in the fountain of the light
 one moment  of a kind
 one more  numb mind

But it didn't need
 turn out that bad
So I try to hold back this time
But it didn't need
 turn out that bad
So I fall again in kind

But it didn't need
 turn out that bad
So I simply pray to hold on
Step back again from time

Trump the Dog 

silly spins the globe of us 

and painful sinks the stone 

lazy lifts the slopes and thus 

a people fall alone 

wander through the times of mind 

and cross the gulf of times 

again falls gently hard and gross 

abundant thoughts of stone 

chance the wild in search of peace 

and slaughter hearts seen not 

bereaved and false though true to self 

when tied in shadow owned 

asleep in torment lies the bird 

and embers dimmed glow 

a lonely spirit often held 

by all who lie below 

but Sun forever calls them out 

and moon their hopes does swell 

be causes meant for heres and nows 

so fair in dreamlike bloom

the fault lies open and it breaks 

for they aren't ones to turn 

against a tide which fear makes break 

upon its time to burn