shadows' stains

needles 

impetuous fucking pricks 

sanitizing steel before the piercing 

why bother 

it's endless

at least as long as that 

but less invigorating

like a toothache 

the nerve laid bare and stabbing 

only torture gives me hope 

whatever 

frankly I'm not into it

this oblique existentialism 

the rapture never thrilled me 

so why go on 

incidental to my whiny visions 

lapping waves keep calling from beyond the woods 

the shore 

its magnificence my one time friend

preaches patience from the distance 

entrancing 

even beyond reality's bounds the birds sing it to me 

enticing me to throw it all away 

the grief

and boredom

the pride 

and loathing of self 

historical accuracy erases opportunity 

all sent packing while the bliss of  self pity envelopes 

entrances and erodes my inner peace 

that which I run from to find 

I need to stop wondering how I ever got here 

and quite believing I'll ever leave 

as if it matters once you know it all 

and all of it is shit 

anyway, ain't it? 

the poseur's ennui

the fake fanaticism

luxury in scarcity and fear of going on 

like a heartache 

the third time gone again 

but there's no strike outs 

not in love 

I wonder why I always hit 'em 

over the fence on the first try 

unless I miss entirely 

still a loser 

everyone's a loser though 

I'm pretty sure I'll get over it again 

it's not like it's anything real this time 

just shadow's stains