shame and remorse - four innocents lost

I want it out of my head
I want it done with my life
I want it over and done with
I want it finished influencing me

Nine with a need to discover
Seven the guard above covers
Five in blissful attendance upon her
Four an annoyance why must he be here

Two for my own at her pleasure
One mystery to unfold at my leisure
Oh but Four has gone and befouled her
Repulsive a longed for and beautiful treasure

So back to the start again groping
What was it for which I was hoping
A mere child without tools for coping
Alone with three other souls all unknowing

Forty years later and the denial
From others who'd failed this trial
For they in their innocence fading away
Found comfort in letting go of any such day

As might lead to their failure being forced into the open

Where she on her own had already let go
Of the other who couldn't be told since his rage
Uncontrolled would betray them all and destroy them
Denying their chance to recover their sweetly lost full potential

Forty years on and still holding
Candles unlit and shadows unfolding
Peace nearly here my pace finally slowing
As griefs piled high are the proof of unknowing

Innocence lost is not lost for all time
Tragedies' costs carry interest that's fine
For the truth is always available to the mind
Which opens itself fully in hope of some sublime

Ascendancy into the knowing
Life free again to grow how it may
No remorse shame or fear of not knowing
No remorse shame or fear of not knowing